One of the great responsibilities of a minister is to create space to mark important life events. I have been given the great honor of officiating weddings, baby dedications, memorial services, and other rituals.
Baby dedications are some of the most fun rituals to officiate. The church I grew up in had a beautiful tradition that I have since had the opportunity to use with others. When a new child is brought forward into the community they are presented with a rose that has had all of its thorns removed. The message shared is that we as the community will do all that we can to show the child the beauty of the world and keep them safe from the thorns. This ritual is elevated in community memory as youth who have completed coming of age are given roses again, though this time the thorns are left on. The message shared this time is that the community cannot keep the young person safe from the thorns of the world but that, hopefully, the youth have been equipped with the tools they need to take care of themselves. These young people are always welcome in the community and need to be encouraged to stay connected. Rituals that acknowledge their growth and development are an important part of welcoming them into new aspects of the community.
Funerals and memorial services are the rituals clergy are most sought out for. Those grieving loss are not often prepared for the work of designing a service. As a minister, I strive to approach these moments with love, gentleness, and patience. I work to be flexible with what I offer. If desired, I can take the lead and offer an established order for a service with attention to the specific theological needs of those who will gather to mourn. I can also sit with loved ones of the deceased to co-create a service from scratch. These moments of loss need dedicated attention and a willingness to adapt, both of which I offer with love and compassion.
Weddings can be the biggest production of all the rituals. Planning for a wedding can include multiple meetings that seek to bring to light some of the unspoken expectations about the special day. Wedding rituals often include not only the desires of those getting married but also expectations from families of origin. I have been blessed to officiate many weddings and I always begin each planning session with the same question; what do you want people attending the service to feel? When we begin with feelings we can do the work together to include readings, songs, and rituals that evoke those desired feelings.
While the above are the most common life events that are marked with support from clergy, there are countless other rituals that can be created to honor life. I have been part of creating rituals for name change announcements for transgender and gender non-conforming people, rituals that recognize the end of a relationship, rituals for those getting out of prison, rituals of healing for survivors of violence, among others. I enjoy being part of marking any moments that are important to individuals in my community.